and so it begins

This afternoon our realtor took us inside two different houses. We really liked the first one but it needed work. Nothing really blogworthy. But the SECOND house...whoa.

First of all, we walked in and it was like walking into a wall of smoke. cigarette smoke. seriously people, with all we know about lung cancer why are you still lighting up the cancer sticks? OK i think the owners were old...they are "forgiven."

Second: not just popcorn ceilings. Glitter popcorn ceilings. Dirty, cobwebby glittery popcorn ceilings.

Third: crappy kitchen. I will not negotiate on kitchens. They need to be large, open and preferably not purple.

Fourth: I hope the dog grave in the backyard does not convey. 3 statues, a rectangle of brick over the grave and a bench to sit there and remember your dog. I love my dog, but when she dies she doesn't get a remembrance bench.

Germania indeed

So i tried to be clever and change the names of my frequently read blogs on the sidebar --> to more unique names. Naturally I had to get some german in there for tara. Who KNEW there were so many german words for "bitch?"


bitch
Hure {f}
Hündin {f}
Weibchen {n}
Miststück {n}
Zicke {f}
Luder {n}
Hippe {f}
Matratze {f}
Biest {n}

bitch [sl.]
Nutte {f}
Schlampe {f}

to bitch
meckern

to bitch up
versauen [ugs.]

bitch-fox
Füchsin {f}

VIP bitch
Promiluder {n}
Promi-Luder {n}

bitch wolf
Wölfin {f}

bitch alarm
Zickenalarm {m} [sl.]

bitch alert
Zickenalarm {m} [sl.]

office bitch
Büroschlampe {f}

(stupid) bitch
Zimtzicke {f} [ugs.]

town bitch [sl.]
Stadtmatratze {f} [sl.]

company bitch [sl.]
Firmenmatratze {f} [sl.]

village bitch [sl.]
Dorfmatratze {f} [sl.]

saloon bitch [Am.] [vulg.]
Kneipenschlampe {f} [vulg.]

son of a bitch
Mistkerl {m}
Scheißkerl {m}

bitch goddess success [Br.]
Hurengöttin Erfolg

son of a bitch [sl.] [vulg.]
Hurensohn {m} [vulg.]

(to be) a crafty bitch
ein gerissenes Luder (sein)

(to be) a little bitch
ein kleines Biest (sein)
eine kleine Kröte (sein)

I love how "saloon bitch" is vulgar...and yet village or company bitch is not. Who knew there were so many kinds of bitches in germany? All i know is, I wouldn't mind being a VIP bitch, or a "bitch goddess success."

El fin de semana

whew thank goodness the weekend is here. this week was pretty good. my experiments turned out really good and i got a lot of good data. i did not set anything on fire. I should talk to the EHS person to see if we can get a fire extinguisher installed near my bench, ya know, just in case.

We watched the Transporter 2 last night. The first movie was pretty good except for that annoying chinese girl. I like fast shiny cars so that part appealed to me. We KNEW the sequel was going to suck (and its only 80 minutes long!!) but that did not deter us from renting it. It was so bad and illogical...that it was almost entertaining.

It's beautiful out today...90 and sunny. I need to get out and play!

New Math

OK let's say that you make 100 dollars every month. But you've got bills to pay!

$14.00 for your car payment
$2.00 for gas
$8.00 for groceries
$6.00 for random utilities
$3.00 for student loans
$8.50 for insurance
$2.00 to take your wife out with (wink)
$18.00 for rent. it's an expensive town.
----------
= $61.50 total

not bad. you're still saving $38.50 every month. good job! Since you want to buy a house, subtract the rent from that. = $47.50

OK now you call a mortgage person to find out how much a house is going to cost. Never mind that the house you will probably buy costs you $34 a month. That would leave you with about $13 bucks left over for a rainy day.

The mortgage person says no worries, they will approve a loan that will cost you $48.00 (!!) a month. hmm. I guess you wont have to worry about putting any electricity or food in that house. More room for us!

Sluts R Us

Well the summertime heat is upon us once again and that can only mean one thing: time for ASU students to bust out the slut gear. Not that winter temperatures kept them from baring skin before. Now it is a free-for-all; the women of ASU are walking advertisements for Charlotte Russe or Forever 21 or whoever makes the shortest skirts of all time.

Students meet with professors wearing LESS than what I wear to bed...and I am notoriously hot when i am sleeping. WHY NOT wear a black bra under a skimpy white top? Stilletto heels across campus? Of course! Don't forget your Coach tote in one hand and your tall non-fat soy latte creamsicle dream drink from Starbucks in the other hand. If you put books in the tote they will, like, totally unbalance you as you walk to class in your 3" heels.

The girls here dress SO SKANKY that there used to be a website called www.palmwalk.com (shut down now) that would feature pictures of girls taken while walking to class. Except nobody knew who or where the photographer was. If you were hot/slutty enough your picture would be posted (without your consent) and people could even rate you! Too bad it was shut down...because now you will have to make do with simply mentally picturing the exponential skank value this place exudes daily.

Sexy homes of the Phoenix MLS

Just say "NO" to gringos

story source here

First they protest because they are here illegally and they want to work. OK, understood

Now they are boycotting working and shopping in the US (and in US-based businesses). hmm.

So do they want to come here and work or not? Has ANYONE tried protesting in Mexico against the crappy working and living conditions there?

For somebody who has always lived in a border state and is a decendant of a mexican immigrant I am not too impressed. That is all I have to say about that.

Just when I thought It couldn't get stupider...

Craigslist Ad #2

Nice sized house in the town we are looking in. No address, no pictures. I email them asking this:

"What is the address of the property? What date are you aiming to move by?"

Their response:

"are you interested in buying a house?"

I am thisclose to sending back the smartest assed response I could possibly think of. Seriously. This is such a waste of time!

Dear Realtor

When you post a free ad on Craigslist, please put the location of the house. If you don't want to put the address...at least do cross streets. Or how about a zip code? There are only 3 MILLION people in phoenix...so i'm SURE the house is located exactly where we want it.

When I email you and ask "where is the house located?" and inquire about other important details, like, say, the AGE of the house please DO NOT reply and tell me you have several houses for sale and ask me what the address is of the one i'm interested in. That is why I sent the email in the first place...duh!

Stupid realtors - do you want to sell the house or not??? This ranks right up there with Househunting Pet Peeve #2: Ten pictures of the same angle of the house. Not helpful. People come on its not that hard to make an intelligent Craigslist ad.